Ned Seagoon: Poor William! He’s been hit by a great steaming spludge! What is it?
William (Mate) Cobblers: ‘Ere! Taste it!
Ned Seagoon: Good heavens! Issue umbrellas! The Scots are firing porridge!
Bloodnok: Porridge at tea-time? The devils! They’re trying to unbalance our diets!
Ned Seagoon: Gad, you’re right. Not a word to the men.
Bloodnok: Of course.
Ned Seagoon: Very well then. If the Scots want to make it a war of nutrition, we have an English dish in our armoury twice as deficient in calories as porridge… and twice as deadly.
Bloodnok: Seagoon! You’re not going to fire-
Ned Seagoon: Yes! Brown Windsor soup!
The Best of British Comedy